My birthday passed two days ago, I was quite busy this week so I did not have time for writing down some thoughts. Actually I had a difficult and complicated time in this year which is totally different from the past few years. It’s not purely painful, it’s bitter. Having a year which is full of transitions is not easy for me to handle. As you all know, my mental illness has been torturing me for several years. I am quite over-sensitive to changes, unfortunately change is the only thing that never changes.

Besides, I am quite sure that there are some chemical problems with my brain. Taking a new kind of pill makes me feel better. That was quite a suffering year for me. I did stop taking pills for a long period because i didn’t like to suffer from the side effects, I have talked about that, it sucks. Nowadays human beings are discovering the universe, but it’s a pity that they know much less about brain and consciousness.

You can imagine that suffering from an endless disaster is absolutely hopeless and lonely, people around can’t even understand a bit of your feeling. Nevertheless, I learned a lesson of not asking question about life. I somehow believe that life is given to us for just living, there is no spiritual meaning behind, perhaps. Fortunately I have been in a stable relationship, I have to admit it helps. 

This year I also did a bunch of writings. Latter in the year, I turned to write short length novels. One of the reasons i did that is about time management. I have been busier than ever since the holiday ended. Another reason is the length, short one is obviously easy to read. I tried brushing up the readability of those works. Luckily, I am still coming up with new ideas of stories. Life without creating is completely dumb and meaningless.

However my family forgot my birthday, I laughed at this. Seriously birthday celebration is not very important for me. I think that preparing a birthday present is a hard work to do, so I won’t expect people would give me present. Even so, that night i still had a guilty and heavy dinner with my girl. Deep in the night, my stomach was upset because of eating too much. That’s life.

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